The Lord caused him to prosper.

Psalm 1:3 And he will be like a tree firmly planted (and fed) by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season; its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers (and comes to maturity).

In a recent study of Psalm 1:3, the life of Joseph came up. It says in Gen 39:23,” The keeper of the prison did not look into anything that was under Joseph’s authority, because the LORD was with him; and whatever he did, the LORD made it prosper.”

As it says in Psalm 1, so the Lord did with Joseph – He caused him to prosper in whatever he did.

I had to mull this over for a day, thinking about Joseph’s life and how I read his life from a different perspective in the past. For backstory, this man had been sold into slavery then wrongfully accused, acquiring him life in jail as he knew it.  We don’t know if he would get out of jail…which in Joseph’s time, jail, was actually a dungeon – it was dim, dark, dirty and had some awful smells.

As I’ve thought of his life, I’ve wondered if he must have been upset that he did a noble thing and ended up in prison. He did not give into the advances of his, rather persistent, master’s wife and his righteousness and sense of honor landed him in prison. I’ve wondered if he ever had a moment of regret for running away from this woman who wanted him to lie with her? Did he regret it because it would have kept him out of jail…for the time at least? When we do the right thing, has anyone else felt regret for the way circumstances have turned out, the way I have at times? It is a momentary feeling but I’d be wrong to not acknowledge it. Doing the right thing and ending up punished, hurt, rejected…while still knowing the true victory really is in doing the right thing.  But even knowing that truth, doesn’t make our feelings line up. Truth is, truth always prevails, circumstances are always changing, just as we can see with Joseph’s life, yet I wonder, if he ever felt that.

All questions aside, I have always looked at Joseph and heard his story knowing that there was a victory one day and that day was when he got out of prison and his circumstances started to look positive. Now, I look at his life and I read it not thinking that ONE day there was this great victory, when he was put in charge over all the land of Egypt (Gen 41:41), but I read it knowing that the victory I seemingly thought was in his circumstances, was really in his relationship with God. Now, I can see, this victory I thought Joseph was waiting for, was his everyday. Everyday he had victory. The Lord was with him, and the Lord made Joseph prosper. So, if anyone tells me their life is like Joseph (because I have heard people say this in a negative sense) I will think of it as a positive one because Joseph’s victory was not a “one day” freedom story, but his victory was in God and God alone, never his circumstances.

If we go back a little in Joseph’s story, we see him being sold into slavery, and some might say if it were them and their life and their hardship to endure, “God left me”, or “Where was God?” Yet even in this unfortunate circumstance for Joseph, God blessed the hard part of his story. What I mean by that is, in Gen 37:36 we see Joseph being sold into Egypt, “And the Midianites sold him into Egypt unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh’s, and captain of the guard.” Then in Gen 39:2, we see where he ends up in slavery, “And the LORD was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian.”

A commentary on Gen 39:2 by Jamieson, Fausset & Brown says: “Those slaves who had been war captives were generally sent to labor in the field and subjected to hard treatment under the “stick” of taskmasters. But those who were bought with money were employed in domestic purposes, were kindly treated, and enjoyed as much liberty as the same class does in modern Egypt.”

This tells me that when it says “the Lord was with Joseph”, it was even in his slavery. It might have been slavery nonetheless, a hardship, but seemingly, since he was employed for domestic purposes, it was the best kind he could have been sold into in his day. I believe this is the same for those who walk with God, because it is a promise in Psalm 1. We go through hardship, this is no surprise, but in that hardship, it is better with the Lord, than without. Things could have been worse for Joseph…but God.

I think it is valuable to point out that Joseph prospered not because of Joseph… it was not his own effort, his charisma, his clothing, his personality, his relationships, his hustle, his vibe or whatever people are saying these days…he prospered because of God. It is something that feels lost in a modern sense, to prosper because of God and not our own efforts.

In Gen 1:3, it says about Joseph, “And his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD made all he did to prosper in his hand.”

The word for the Lord here for both instances is Yehova. Meaning Jehovah, “the existing One”, it is the proper name of the one true God. The word for made is saleah, meaning to make successful, to prosper an one’s affair. Then I saw this in the meaning at the very end of the Lexicon, “to flow, to be poured out as water.”

I had to re-read Psalm 1:3 with this in mind.

Psalm 1:3 And he will be like a tree firmly planted (and fed) by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season; its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers (and comes to maturity).

If I think of a tree firmly planted, by streams of water, being made to prosper by God and God alone, it seems fitting that the Lord would be the stream of water flowing upon the roots of the firmly planted tree. In His watering, we flourish. It is His streams alone.

To be that firmly planted tree we are talking about, is the person who does Psalm 1:1-2. To reiterate my last post, I say this with the help of bible teacher Jane Johnson, “blessed is a man who doesn’t take certain counsel, blessed is a man who doesn’t take certain roads (no matter how great the view), and blessed is the man who refuses to take certain seats (no matter how tired he is)”. I’d like to add – just as Joseph did.

Blessed is the man.

Psalm 1

Blessed (fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God) is the man who does not walking the counsel of the wicked (following) their advice and example), nor stand in the path of sinners, now sit (down to rest) in the seat of scoffers (ridiculers).

But his delight is in the law of the Lord. And on His law (His precepts and teachings) he (habitually) meditates day and night.

And he will be like a tree firmly planted (and fed) by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season; its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers (and comes to maturity).

The wicked (those who live in disobedience to God’s law) are not so, but they are like the chaff (worthless and without substance) which the wind blows away.

Therefore, the wicked will not stand (unpunished) in the judgement. Nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

For the Lord knows and fully approves the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked shall perish.

This past week I studied Psalm 1, verse by verse. This means I took each verse and spent time looking up definitions in Hebrew, looking up cross references, using my bible dictionary, and so on. I will never read this Psalm the same again after this week…which is why I’m here. I’d like to share my thoughts and discoveries on Psalm 1:1.

Blessed. What is blessed? The interesting thing isn’t the definition itself which means happiness or blessedness, but it is the root word meaning of blessed in Psalm 1:1. The root of eser (blessed) is asar, which means to go straight, to walk, especially used in a straight way, hence also of what is upright. This was interesting because that means a blessed man isn’t just happy because happy happens, but it means he is blessed because of the way he chooses to walk. He chooses to walk a certain way and that brings happiness, blessedness. This morning, I came across a quote by Billy Graham, which fit this all too well, it says, “Nowhere in the scripture does it teach that you are to search for and pursue happiness. You find happiness as you lead a disciplined life before God. You will have periods of happiness but God nowhere promises happiness as a goal in life. Our goal is to be a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

As I continued to read Psalm 1, three words stood out to me I could not shake: walk, stand and sit. The blessed man does not: WALK in the counsel of the wicked, STAND in the path of sinners, or SIT in the seat of scoffers. It is interested that walking, standing and sitting are also used as directives in the life of the righteous with God; like how we are seated in heavenly places (seated in our position in Christ), how we are to walk in the fear of the Lord and His ways (as our manner of life), how we are to stand before Christ on the last day yet maybe this also means to stand up to the evil one – standing from a place of victory from the cross, and not for a place a victory.

We are going to walk, stand or sit no matter what as long as we are living and we get the choice to do this with or without Christ. However, it is clear to me that how and where we walk, stand and sit are freewill and choice. While I was researching walk, a lightbulb went off when I saw in the Gesenius Hebrew lexicon that walking means to follow any manner of life. As I read through the examples of scripture, I came across Proverbs 6:12, “walking (living) in perverseness of mouth” i.e. who, while he lives, continues to practice perverseness of speech.”  What clicked for me is that as we live, we can walk (live) righteously or wickedly. However I choose to live, I am therefore walking in. If I choose to gossip, I walk in that. If I choose to fast and pray, I walk in that. If I choose to throw fits of rage, I walk in that. Every day I have thousands of choices to make which accumulate to “my life”, and every day I get to choose how I want to live (walk).

This reminded me of a dear friend who once shared that she was delivered from cursing, but at times she still cursed after that. Then one day she sat with a spiritual mom and was told that she was either delivered, or you weren’t. God doesn’t deliver half way. This made her realize that she still made a choice to cuss, it was a habit. She still chose to walk in it and had to actively pursue self-control to no longer walk in cursing. I didn’t realize before that the choices I made meant I was “walking” in it. It feels rather convicting at the moment, because sometimes I can make a choice and feel it is a “one off”, like it is a one-time thing. I might even tell myself, “I don’t usually do this.” Yet reality is, I am choosing to walk in that way even when I decide to do one-time things.

The thing is, every day we walk, we all live a certain manner of life, good or bad, right or wrong. We walk on the righteous side of the road or the wicked side. Some may argue they don’t know God but they are a “good person” so it can’t be just two roads of one with God and the other evil. Or some may “know” God and decide to walk on a road that is not narrow (but believe they are still on the right road). If you hear anything from me today, I pray it is this, there isn’t a third road. There is no middle road of one in between the two… and that will be clear on our last day. You are either on one path or the other.

This was a hard thing to study which really stopped me for a few days. I meditated on this scripture day and night, going over it in my head time and time again. It isn’t easy to swallow but it’s good to digest.

The word for “of sinners” in Psalm 1:1 is hatta in Hebrew meaning sinful and exposed to condemnation. The root of this word is hata meaning to sin, to go wrong, to miss, miss the way, incur guilt. This tells me that the sinners in Psalm 1 didn’t just get a little off course, but they missed the way entirely. It says that blessed is the man who does not stand on the path of sinners… and it makes sense now because how could one who is righteous, stand on the same path as a sinner, if the sinner missed the mark entirely? How can the righteous stand in the way when the two are not on the same path? Bible teacher Jane Johnson puts it this way: It is clear that sinners have missed the way, so standing in the way of a sinner is also “standing in the way of one’s own relationship with God”. It is the relationship that guides us, like a Good Shepherd would (Psalm 23). The relationship we grow from because He is the vine (John 15). The relationship we surrender to because He is God an all knowing, faithful, loving Father. (1 Thessalonians 5:24, 1 John 3:1, James 1:17)

Now I can read Psalm 1, with the help of Jane Johnson, as “blessed is a man who doesn’t take certain counsel, blessed is a man who doesn’t take certain roads (no matter how great the view), and blessed is the man who refuses to take certain seats (no matter how tired he is).”

Let’s pray.

Lord, I thank You. I thank you for the person reading this, I thank you for their heart and mind. I ask that you bless them as You bring righteous counsel, as You show them the path to walk, as You show them the seat to take. I thank You Holy Spirit that with you we never run dry, our needs don’t go unmet. Thank you that you hold us Lord and your new morning mercies are new every day for us to walk into. I pray, we know and see these truths in You a little bit more. I ask this in Jesus name. Amen.

A Land Flowing with Milk & Honey

My boyfriend and I of two years recently got engaged. (Cue the tears of joy)

I have watched and waited for this season with the Lord. This promise fulfilled hasn’t come without a few other seasons before it, however. Seasons like singleness and dating. Each season reserved for its own growth and lesson. Each season that I wouldn’t wish away in hindsight.

Now I am walking into a new season…ENGAGED!

I can’t yet list what this season holds but it is NEW, full of TRANSITION and JOY, yet this kind of season I have never known with the Lord. One thing I can speak to, however, is this: Seasons, no matter how long awaited, all have their challenges and overwhelming goodness… sometimes all at the same time, or like waves – one moment challenged and it’s hard, then the next moment, this overwhelming gratefulness for the very place and space in time that I’m standing. Both moments, accompanied with the rush of gratitude to God and His faithfulness for this very time. Each season full of grace for the season it is. Each season, leading me a little deeper into God.

If we’ve spoke the past two years, you might know I suffered from a traumatic brain injury that debilitated a lot of things in my life, then I was healed in February 2024 (yet some residual things have tried to pop back up since). Then one month after being miraculously healed, my boyfriend of two years proposed.

My heart has still not caught up.

Healed. Engaged. Just like that. *snaps*

I still can’t understand God’s goodness to me.

The day after I was healed, I cried tears of joy for more than 48 hours. I could not wrap my head around this and it was an over flowing of thankfulness. The day after I was engaged, same tears. The moment didn’t feel real, even when it was happening! I sat the next morning trying to process it all with God and I could only get out more tears of joy, as if it was my only language. I had tears that spoke louder than any words I could muster up. All tears pointing to gratitude and unending joy for what He has done.

The joy hasn’t overtaken the challenges however and because of that, this has led me to dig deeper and lean a little bit further on the Lord. I thought walking into a long awaited “promise land” would be a little bit different. Different in the way as feeling less stressed and more over joyed – daily…but that hasn’t been my truth. Different as in not realizing the pressure I’d put on myself for being “healed” and needing to carry out the very reasons God has planted and placed me here, for a such a time as this. Different as in, thinking my fiancé and I would be in some Lala-love-land as we planned our big day, but instead we live real lives, with real issues and have real challenges and it’s not always romantic. I’ve struggled walking into the goodness laid out before me. The one story that seems to be my daily bread in this season, just so happens to be about this very thing: Joshua and Caleb about to enter into the land flowing with milk and honey.

We see the whole story start with being met with this “promise land” just as God promised then searching it out to find that it is exactly what God promised; it has this ripe juicy fruit to top it off and a few giants. What the Israelites would have to do next is take the land (by obedience and effort on their part). It all begins in Numbers 13, we see Moses, by word of the Lord, send out twelve spies into the land flowing with milk and honey. Ten of those spies came back with a negative, fearful report. Caleb, however, who was one of the twelve spies, spoke up and said they should take possession of the land; he was fully believing they could do it. (Numbers 13:30) The same ten men said that they could not however. This then caused weeping throughout the community for the night (Numbers 14:1), which led to men wanting to rebel, appoint a new leader and return to Egypt. They grumbled saying God left them to die by the sword. Egypt looked better to them once again. Whenever they were met with difficulty or something outside of their own ability, the Israelites would jump to wanting to return to where they came from.  

I need to pause here and point to the fact, that Israel wanting to return to Egypt and believing God left them once again at this very moment, was after God parted the Red Sea, after He was a cloud by day and pillar of fire by night and after He rained down mana daily for them to eat… Israel still had not trusted God or even tried to looked back at these acts that God had already done as a place to start trusting when met with hardship.

When fear struck the community, Joshua and Caleb tried to sway them once more to trust the Lord by saying that the land was really good that they spied out and we should not rebel against the Lord or fear the people of the land because the Lord is with us! It was an example of such great faith. But since fear had already struck their hearts, they wanted to stone Joshua and Caleb for this. The whole thing did not end well for that generation of Israelites. Spoiler alert is Israel continued to wander in the wilderness for forty years after this moment because fear prevailed and they showed no unity of faith over the matter. The Lord was not pleased, to say the least, with this unbelieving generation and vowed that no one from this generation would enter the Promised Land – except Caleb and Joshua that is. (Numbers 14:30)

When the time finally came to cross over into the land flowing with milk and honey, forty years later, we are now in the book of Joshua. After the death of Moses, the Lord says to Joshua that he will cross over into the Promised Land. “Therefore arise, cross this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them, to the sons of Israel.” Joshua 1:2

Yet it doesn’t end there, the Lord seems to commission Joshua, saying “Everyplace on which the sole of your foot treads, I have given it to you, just as I spoke to Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon, even as far as the great river, the river Euphrates, all the land of the Hittites, and as far as the Great Sea toward the setting of the sun will be your territory. No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.” V. 3-5.

“Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses, my servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go. V. 6-7.

This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” V. 8-9

From this commissioning, Joshua is now entering into a new season (crossing over into the promised land). I think it is good to point out that Joshua was commanded to do a daunting task, while surrounded by things to be afraid of. The task at hand was taking on an enormously huge responsibility…and the real kicker was, this was all new! Joshua was asked to lead a nation, keep the covenantal law and then was encouraged to be strong and courageous (because this is how he would have to walk forward with the Lord to do this well) and this was the key: GOD IS WITH YOU.

Anytime we step into a new season, there are questions and doubts that can easily pop up. For Joshua, I am sure he had all the same fears and doubts that wanted to arise as time went on, which is why this commissioning from the Lord was so important. Questions that could have come up for Joshua, which I’m speculating, are: Am I enough? Will I be able to lead as well as Moses did? Am I enough for this task? What if I don’t know what I’m doing? Can I lead an entire nation? Will we be able to take the land that’s promised? Will others listen to me or want to stone me? How do I lead when I am scared? I’m sure that Joshua needed to hear “be strong and courageous” multiple times because he would have moments of doubt as he walked forward. The Lord may give us commands, but He also tells us things we need to know for moments we are about to walk into. This is His divine wisdom and warning, so our part is this: hold tight to His word in each season.

This story reminds me, and points me back, to the fact that when those really big, overwhelming, transitional seasons or tasks in life come, they can only be done with God and by God.

As if this wasn’t enough, I have more. All week I have been studying Psalm 84, which is about God’s living presence being our greatest joy, and this brings me right back to verse 7, “They go from strength to strength; Each one appears before God in Zion.”

“Strength to strength“. I am sure we have heard someone say this before, how those who walk with God, go from strength to strength. This story of Joshua makes me think of man who is about to see what it means to go from strength to strength as he walks forward into promise. As I did my study over this particular verse, and got busy cross referencing, it brought me a better understanding of what it actually means to go from strength to strength, which I’d like to share.

First, I will break down the process (and that may not seem interesting) then I will explain what I found.

I first started with writing out Psalm 84:7, then I checked the cross references listed in my bible to this verse. The cross references listed in my bible are Proverbs 4:18, Isaiah 40:31, John 1:16 and 2 Corinthians 3:18. I wrote each cross reference and left room underneath each one.

Now, each one of these cross references, has cross references of their own, which I also looked into (but I did not go further than that so that I could still connect the verses back to the original verse). Here is how it looked: The first cross reference to Psalm 84:7, was Proverbs 4:18, “But the path of the righteous is like the light of the dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day.” I wrote this out. Then I looked up the cross reference to this verse, Proverbs 4:18, which are Isaiah 26:7, Matthew 5:14, Philippians 2:15 and 2 Samuel 23:4. I then wrote out each one of these verses. After writing out these cross references, I looked back over them to connect them all back to Psalm 84:7. I was then able to reflect on their truths in relation to the original verse and wrote a summary of how these verses support the truth that those whose strength is in God, go from strength to strength. I did this process for each cross reference listed for Psalm 84:7. So, by the end, I had four separate summaries that I was then able to put into one big reflection summary.

Here is what I found it means to go from “strength to strength”:

We are the light of the world and made righteous before God, who is fully righteous. Righteousness can only be IN God and FROM God. In our righteousness (which is given from Him), we are blameless and strengthened. I believe, this points back to, that our righteousness draws us back to the righteous One and we are once again refreshed, once again strengthened and once again ready for the day ahead.

Those who wait on God, trusting in Him, building confidence in Him, not only are they strengthen but they are blessed. Those who rest, wait, persevere, have clean hands and surrender their life – these are the ones who are strengthened. This life is full of hardship and troubles, but Jesus, which is why we have hope.

It is from Christ’s fullness (deity) that we have received –we glean from Christ’s fullness which gives us strength. We bring Christ glory of who He is, as we go from grace to grace.

We are continually being transformed in to the image of God. The one who is victorious over all things. Therefore, as we find or identity in Him, we are strengthened in all things. Our transformation to be more Christlike, is our strength to strength. All from Christ and through Christ, for our benefit and sake.

Now, when I look at Joshua, I am not so terrified of his big task at hand. He had Christ. This is why those words that God shared with Joshua was so important – Be strong and courageous! I will be with you!

It was of God that Joshua could take the promised land. It was of God that he had the ability to remain courageous during this time. Only God could have carried out the word that He spoke into existence, Joshua was simply a willing vessel. As Joshua did this, he saw the rivers of Jordan dry up so that the Israelites could cross into the promised land and he saw the walls of Jericho come crashing down as they marched around it. Joshua trusted the word of the Lord. So, this tells me that as we rest a little more in God’s ability, and not our own, we go from strength to strength.

As I walk into this big season myself, I can’t help but point this back to my own story. If God has called me to be a wife that impacts the kingdom, He gives me the ability and everything I need to be a woman of righteousness. He blesses the marriage He has brought me into. I can’t be a good wife by my own ability. I can’t be a righteous woman on my own ability. I can’t serve God’s people on my own ability. The marriage that I have waited and prayed for, can only be done by God, and through God, and may I be the vessel that He takes from strength to strength in it. May I be a servant who is strong and courageous in the face of really big life challenges, because I let God refresh me once again as I am being made new, trusting God to complete His work in me and through me.

I use to think I could work hard enough to be that good woman myself, like God can get me started but then I’ll reach a point where the training wheels have to come off and I need to start working really hard to make things happen. I see now, that has been me going wheels off! That has been me taking off without Him. So, I’ve learned that if I ever take off, that is my own doing and it will be hard. I am meant to depend more on God the more I walk with Him. A life of surrender leads to more surrender, not less.

Now that I see what strength to strength is, in the face of big life changes, it makes sense to me that marriage sounds big and scary; especially now that it is becoming a reality for me. The bigger something may be, the scarier it may be, and just like Joshua going into his land “flowing with milk and honey”, I get to lean a little bit deeper and cling a little bit tighter to the One who I would surrender everything to as I walk into mine.

Marriage, isn’t about me getting close to my soon-to-be husband, but I believe, it is a love story about God and I. It’s about me getting closer to Him and letting my soon-to-be husband be an expression of love, of God’s love, to me. This season may feel different than I expected, but I believe, I’m right where I need to be. I’m realizing that somewhere these past few months, I picked back up the habit or belief of needing to make things happen myself again and when I do that, I fall short. I am here once again, leaning on you Lord, to guide me in my healing, guide me in my engagement and guide me in loving my fiancé well during this season. Not out of my own strength, but Yours.

Sons of Korah.

Psalm 84

A Psalm of the Sons of Korah.

How lovely are Your dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! My soul longed and even yearned for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God.

The bird also has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. How blessed are those who dwell in Your house! They are ever praising You.

How blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion! Passing through the valley of Baca they make it a spring; the early rain also covers it with blessings.

They go from  strength to strength, everyone of them appears before God in Zion. O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Behold our shield, O God, and look upon the face of your anointed.

For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in You!

This is a psalm written by the sons of Korah. It simply speaks of the blessing of being in God’s presence. It is an expression with a grateful heart knowing that God’s presence is our greatest joy. But there is a lot more to this psalm than meets the eye. See, the time this was written, Jesus had not been born yet, but the tabernacle did exist which is where God’s presence rested among His people. (Have them construct a sanctuary for Me, so that I may dwell among them. Exodus 25:8) I point to this fact, because in a recent study I found out who the sons of Korah actually are. (Not only the writers of this psalm.)

Numbers 16:1 states that the Korah was the son of Kohath. Yet, who is Kohath? The Kohath family was delegated by God to carry the altar on their shoulders using poles made for that purpose, since it was so holy it could not be touched. (Exodus 25:14, Numbers 7:9) “This is the service of the sons of Kohath in the tent of meeting: the most holy things.” Numbers 4:4. Numbers 4:4-14 lays out their role in much more detail.

Then Numbers 16 happens and we see the fall of the Kohath family and their accomplices. In short, the Kohathites rose up against Moses and Aaron, Korah being their leader. Korah instigated his own mini rebellion and recruited others as his grievance committee. He believed Moses and Aaron exalted themselves above them, so he confronted them. Korah believed Moses and Aaron wanted priesthood for themselves, trying to make it some kind of political machine for gain, which he wanted in on. Korah expressed their disdain for their current role (as moving men) and wanted priesthood. They ended up resenting Moses and Aaron due to their own motivation for power.

This did not end well for the Kohathites. Korah assembled the congregation against them at the doorway of the tent of meeting and the Lord was not pleased (to say the least) with Korah, Dathan and Abiram. So, what happened? The earth opened up and swallowed them whole, them and all their possessions.  

Dathan and Abiram’s families were swallowed up, but the most interesting and merciful part comes in Numbers 26:11, when it says: “Nevertheless, the children of Korah did not die.” The Lord instead banned the sons of Korah forever for serving in the tabernacle again. These sons then, they became quiet worshippers.

Knowing the story of the one who wrote this psalm, brings me to tears. It gives much more meaning of one who is grateful to be in the presence of God, something that was not enough for their ancestors. Passing through a valley of Baca, they make it a spring. Going from strength to strength in God. Then the verse that really hits a lot harder, verse 10, “For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather stand as a doorkeeper at the threshold of the house of my God than live at ease in the tents of wickedness.”

Written from the one’s who know what it is like to be banned from His presence, and they know the worthiness of simply standing at a doorway, as close as they can get.  They knew that was the best place to be than anywhere else.

I’m just going to leave this as that.

Prayer:

Lord, I thank you that you truly are a sun and shield. I thank you for this day and for each person reading this. I ask that you bless their eyes to see and ears to hear. Bless their mind and heart and health. Make known to us the joy of your presence and how to live in unending joy. May the truth that you dwell in us be our delight, and source of joy. Help us let go of any motivations that are not for us and do not serve us as children of God. Help us speak out words of encouragement and kindness to one another with honest, humble hearts. Help us to accept where You have placed and purposed us with great joy. May you bless your righteous and those who trust in You. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

Hard and Holy things.

“Please hear me girl: the world has enough women who know how to do their hair, it needs women who know how to do hard and holy things.”

There on my smartphone I read these words on Instagram the morning of Jan 13, 2017. I snapped a screen shot so I could remember them, thinking on how much these words resonated with me.

That evening, I was in a car accident. The only way to explain what happened was it was an experience with God. I’m here only because He saved me that day. I don’t know why I was spared, when many die daily due to car accidents…but I was. Going through that accident knowing my face was gashed open, took time to heal physically. Yet my heart was what needed the most healing. My divorce was finalized two days prior and I gave my life to the Lord seven months prior. For a lack of better words, I was hurting. I needed to take the time to know God and in turn, be known by Him. In hindsight, this accident was the beginning of my story on how I found treasures in darkness – and it all started by being completely ripped open.  

Five years later.

May 4, 2022. A day that has been stuck in my mind since the day it happened. That morning wasn’t like any other morning, I had to go into work a little bit earlier and on my way I was in a car accident. Yet this time, there was no special experience or peace when it happened. It was cold, I felt panicked and immediately following it sounded like a siren was going off in my head. I thought I needed time to calm down but I could not sleep that night, or the next night, or the next night. Something didn’t feel right. My mind was racing and could not stop. That racing mind stayed with me for twenty-one months and counting. My inability to sleep was with me for twenty-one months and counting. I have averaged 3-4 hours of sleep a night in this time, somedays I got more but some days I could not sleep at all. I was confused, dizzy, lightheaded upon standing. Headaches were a normal thing now along with sensitivity to light and sounds. Ear plugs became close companions. I also had this weird spin happening in my head that felt like doom was about to set in but then the next moment, be okay.  When my head spun, I thought either this is IT for me or I’ll get through this. Many times after, I wished the worst would happen so I could finally figure out what was wrong.  

I sought help but no one had answers. I sought out care ranging from cardiologist, family doctor, physical therapist, counselor, acupuncturist, multiple chiropractors, multiple neurologists, mulitple functional neurologists, dietician and massage therapists. I started averaging ten appointments a month for over a year. I did everything from blood tests, to multiple x-rays, to MRI to CT scan and multiple “exercises” assigned from doctors. No one knew what was wrong with me and nothing seemed to help. I was prescribed countless amounts of medication from pain relievers to sleep medication to anxiety medication. I had not known anxiety until this. My emotions seemed to be more reactive rather than responsive – which was hard to face since I have had years of counseling under my belt at this point. No one could give me answers.

I was eventually told by my family care practitioner that I could find a new job that was “less stressful”. That might have been the most painful appointment with a doctor because they were essentially saying I didn’t have a problem, I had stress and I needed to learn how to handle it. This aided to me feeling like I needed to do better. I started to believe that nothing must be wrong with me and I must be making this all up. I would see a new doctor and they would get to a point in my treatment and say “you should have seen improvement by now.” That usually meant this avenue of treatment was not working. I was lost. Confused. Still not sleeping. In pain. Still dizzy and light headed and now having gastric issues.

About seventeen months into this fight, I finally reached the end of myself. I fought and pushed through as much as I could, until I could no longer. That’s when more questions came in…questions like, “Does God want goodness in my life?”  I mean, He doesn’t promise my life will be good – He promises He will work things together for good and says that every good gift is from above – but that doesn’t mean my life will be good every day. I had this thought like if I liked my hair, and He knew that, would He want to take it all away? Just to see what I do? And with that question, I knew, my heart had become bitter. Only seventeen months in at that point and my heart had become cold. This caused me to run to God yet I had no strength, so my mere small reach would have to do. I had to see once more that God, His goodness for me is promised by Jesus and Jesus is my ultimate reward. Not health. Not provision. Not warmth. We are bound to suffering here and now and if I can’t get to the part that Jesus is my reward, I will be hurt and think God left when my life doesn’t look so “good” circumstantially. Jesus is the answer to goodness in my life.

I turned to God yet again for help. After petitioning for healing, I had a dream that lead me to a specialist who was able to diagnose what was happening. I had been suffering from a traumatic brain injury. The diagnoses brought validation – something that had been missing from my story so far. It allowed me to be compassionate to myself, even when others could not understand. Things are getting better I believe, but to this day I am still healing yet needed to come to a point of acceptance over where I am today.

I’m reminded of Paul and what was penned in Acts 20:23-24, “I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.”

So, what’s the point of me sharing all this?

The bible is very clear with the fact that those who choose to follow God, will go through trials and tribulation. This is not for some elite few. What I have gone through is not the worst thing that could happen to someone, yet it is my tribulation and suffering. Through these past twenty-one months, I have slowly come to find the wealth of tribulation, so here’s where I’m at:

“Beloved, no longer do we have the right to define our days, times or seasons as good or bad because for us all is grace. Sometimes it’s a grace to enjoy, sometimes it’s a grace to endure and often times it’s a little of both at the same time.”

– Graham Cooke

Over this time the Lord has been working in my life. First thing He did was teach me rest. Rest as in a quietness to my soul. I found that I could be doing the most “relaxing” activity and if my mind was racing and on fire, I was robbed of rest. I needed to learn that my circumstances didn’t dictate rest, I do.

Then came freedom from my disciplines. Disciplines are simply wonderful, it’s how I’ve lived my life, but where it went wrong was my disciplines were like a formula to find God. It was a lot of work, for years…and He is not in a formula. I learned in a very crippling way that there can come a point where disciplines could no longer serve me if I look too much to the discipline.  There is nothing I need to do, pray or read in the morning to be “ready” for my day. When I wake up, I am a daughter of God. No striving needed. (Which sounds liberating yet it was a hard crawl to liberation. I am still baffled that the Lord used a physical ailment – where I could no longer do what I had done for years to connect with Him – for me to see I was working too hard.) This overwhelming pressure I put on myself, did not exist from Him. He is gentler than that. It’s a grace that allowed my own pressure to reach the end of myself.

In this time, the Lord has taken inventory of my heart and has been resetting and redefining how I see Him. This has prompted the questions, “BUT what are You really like?? What are YOU really like in sickness?”

And I’ve learned, He is gentle with me.

He is gentler than I have ever known…and I have only experienced a dip of my toe in His mass ocean of gentleness. He also gave me a partner who is so incredibly gentle and kind – he is the most gentle and tenderhearted man I have ever met. When I see him, I know this is fruit of the Lord and yet only a taste of the fullness of God’s gentle nature – and at the very same time, I’m stunned to know God must be gentler than I can ever comprehend.

I’ve learned how much I relied on my mind to serve God and be in relationship with Him – and when my mind was taken out, it really made me question the relationship. I knew how to love God with my mind, my voice, my hands, my feet…but I needed to know how to do this with just my heart. If my heart is all I have to praise with, there must not be any secret special words, melody, work or discipline… it must all be heart. I say this because I had to ask the question, “How do I love you Lord, if my brain is injured and in pain – I can’t remember or think straight. How do I love you in this state?” I wrestled with this question for over a year then started to look around… and here’s what I believe – I believe the Gospel is true for those who have intense migraines that take them completely out. I believe the Gospel is true for quadriplegics. I believe, and this one I wrestled with the most, that the Gospel is true for those who are in a vegetative state – where their heart is still beating and maybe nothing else works right – the Gospel must be true for even those. So, if my brain has been injured, I can too, set my heart to worship…in all things and through all things. His promises never change simply because my circusmstances or life conditions do.

I learned that He is the Lord who weeps with me in long suffering, He did not orchestrate this suffering and there is not a list of things I need to do for healing – I am not doing anything to keep me here. Sometimes it’s simply an affliction. Sometimes we suffer.

When I thought He left, when I couldn’t hear Him anymore or feel His presence anymore – He has sat beside me. In silence. His silence enveloped me and with God I don’t believe silence is punishment. He does not give His children the “silent treatment,” to teach us a lesson or let us know He is upset. He is not like us. This is how I know He has satisfied my soul, even in silence. He is that friend to sit with me in my pit of pain, when there are no more words that can be said. His nearness is everything and I trust He is near.

In this He is has been breaking off fear of man. When I thought He would break off that fear of man by being a “Holy Roller” or something and whaling on the floor in some meeting, but no, it came by not doing things well, with excellence, or to my own standard – because I physically could not. I’ve had to accept that I can’t care so much about what others may think, because God knows my heart and I’m doing the best I can. This is also when I leaned more (leaning on my Beloved). I wanted the leaning but this also felt crippling to me, not doing things well crippled me. The first seventeen months of this affliction, I pushed myself so hard until I could no longer…and I’ve had to be okay with where God has me. Not where I’d like to be. There is acceptance in learning to lean.  

I’ve had to dig into my character to produce hope over this because there have been days where I felt hopeless and that’s no place I wanted to stay. I’ve had to go back to believing that faith is when I believe God wants to heal me more than I want to be healed…then let the Father fight for me.

This season has marked my life with Psalm 23:

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.”

These words are exactly how He has pursued me. He has hunted me down daily and my heart did not stand a chance to outrun His grace and mercy.

It’s a grace to enjoy and a grace to endure.

A mercy that stood and watched as I suffered, in sorrow. A Father watching as a child figures it out. A God of great restraint to not rush in to save, but sit with me, grieve with me – which is probably the hardest part as a parent, to not rush to save when you can – but let your children wrestle things out.

The Father prays for me daily, His commitment to me far extends my ability to follow Him.

He is the God who wept with Mary, and I know this not just because it is written in the word, but because He has wept with me.

I trust that God has been working in my life despite my hardship. I trust that He is always good, even when I don’t feel it and I don’t feel well. I can’t look back on these past months and say it was all “good” without tears because it’s been painful, yet I can still say God is good. He is always good. I trust that His promise in Romans 8:28 is still true, that He works all things together for good for those who are in Christ Jesus.

I may not understand what that looks like or how somethings must be good if that’s how it has worked out, but it’s not for me to figure out or understand. Whatever the ending, it’s all for God’s glory because that’s one thing I am confident about is this, God wants to make Jesus famous. He loves to glorify His son. This is how Paul so confidently wrote his life was worth nothing to him… laying his life down, glorified Jesus and I get the honor to do that too since I’m still here.

Giving out of poverty.

But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

Mark 12:42-44

“She gave out of her poverty.”

Words that had replayed in my mind upon reading this the other day.

In the past, I have always thought of finances when referencing this verse (which makes sense since that is how the word poor is used here).

Yet, after a long season of sickness things, I saw something new. This time, I saw the emphasis on how many gave from a place of wealth but one woman gave from a place of poverty and that meant something entirely different to me now. 

It’s one thing to give from a place of plenty, but a completely different shift when it’s all you have to give. 

It is giving over the very thing you need. 

Reducing us to an even lower state of affliction because now we gave everything! We are in more need than before. 

I realized that when I give from plenty, I don’t notice the cost as much. If I have thirteen loaves of bread, would I really mind giving away two? No, I wouldn’t. But if I only have one loaf to begin with and I gave away one loaf, some might say that’s either idiotic or great faith. Depends on who you’re following as Lord of your life, I’m guessing. 

I’ve never had such a long season of sickness, so this time my “poverty” meant what I could give physically. Today my “poverty” is the thirty minutes I can read and pay attention without feeling confused or foggy brained. I can give Jesus that.

My “poverty” is the small moments in time when my mind hasn’t been racing. I can give Jesus that and seek God in conversation. 

My “poverty” is the lack of sleep. It’s been almost two years now with 4ish hours of sleep at night at most. I can give to Jesus out of my lack, knowing that no matter how crappy I feel, joy is more than a feeling. I get to decide how to give Jesus each moment instead of saying, “I didn’t sleep, I feel awful, it’s going to be a crappy day.”

That’s throwing my two small coins in.

I can’t seem to get away from this lesson either…. it’s the same one taught in the Sermon on the Mount.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3

The word “poor” here in Greek is ptochos, and it means to be destitute of wealth, influence, position or honor. It is the same word used to describe the “poor” state of the widow in the temple. Yet, the verse with the widow refers to a material poverty and in the sermon on the mount, we see it is as a word to describe more than that, it points to a state of being lowly, afflicted and needy.

It is a place of utter dependence, knowing you yourself are weak, frail, helpless – powerless. There is no way forward by your own strength or means, and when we are in such circumstances, we are reduced to beggary. 

And this is who Jesus says receives the kingdom of heaven. 

Which is baffling if I think on that. 

Blessed are the poor in spirit, not “blessed are the rich and strong in spirit”. What kind of God would bless me for being needy and weak? When I have nothing to offer? 

Only One who doesn’t demand perfection. “Come broken,” He said. Come weak, come needy. The kingdom is yours!!

I think even in my reach to be poor in spirit, He blesses me. In my failure to admit just how weak I am before Him, I think by His grace, there is blessing. He knows every time my heart has puffed up with pride or when I thought I was great…when I thought it was ALL me…He saw every time and blessed me anyways even in my failure to be poor because He knows where my heart is and that I want to and am reaching toward being poor in spirit.

It’s hard to admit how frail and powerless I truly am. 

I am more prideful and selfish than I have ever known.

Yet it is the honor of my life to walk with God, one day in His courts IS better than a thousand elsewhere. And that is not doing the Christian thing and going through something hard and saying “God’s good” in some religious rhetoric.

I am saying that as it being an honor to lean on the One who suffered most, for all. To be face to face with my frailty and watch Him meet me with His gentle strength. 

It’s an honor even when it’s uncomfortable.

Even when it’s suffering.

By His Wounds.

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

 Isaiah 53:5

Earlier this year, I left a seemingly good career (which I was finally beginning to enjoy), to then have this burning on my heart that there must be something more. The more as in knowing Jesus would be coming soon and I knew in my spirit this time in history has never been known and it is a matter of life and death for those who don’t know Jesus. This is what led me to pray, seek and ask the Father. I ended up hearing that if I stayed in this career, I would not reap the fullness of what God had for me. With that, I begin looking for a new job, thinking if not here, then there must be an open door somewhere. Immediately I was offered a job yet the opportunity was nowhere near the career I currently had, but I wanted God’s fullness more than anything else. So, I took the leap of faith, knowing God provides when He places. The unforeseen thing in all this was I was quickly let go from my new position and sat unemployed for months… I thought it was funny how after ten days I was terminated for being “over qualified,” this confirmed to me that this is not the place God planned for me. Maybe He used this “opportunity” to get me out my career, while feeling somewhat safe nestled into the marketplace. Yet it was clear, this is not what He had for me. He had something else…yet I wasn’t sure what that was at the time.

Sometimes those moments that are seemingly wreaking havoc on our peace, are the exact moments to put us in a position to hear God clearly. That unemployment ended up leading to an intercessory mission trip, landing me at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City (IHOPKC) for a few months. A prayer mission. Something in the chaos of everyday life I would have not been able to hear or see because I would have second guessed walking away from a career He had grown me in. Since my accident, the times of listening were shortened due to my head injury as well…so my relationship with God was looking different. It was me meeting with Him when He had seemingly left me. I sought Him when I could not hear or feel anything. So, landing on IHOPKC was like feeling my way in my dark and saying, “I trust how God leads me and I’m going to believe this is what we are doing, until we aren’t.” I never knew it was truly happening until I was formally accepted by IHOP, and I wasn’t sure if I would raise enough money to do this mission until I was already in Kansas City, MO.

That summer, I began to prepare for my time at IHOPKC not knowing if it was really happening yet. I had this idea to prepare as if it was going to happen. So I did. Then two days before I would be leaving, I had got up and checked my bank account to see where I was at financially. I wanted to estimate how much I still needed to raise and what I needed to pray in.  When I opened my account, I noticed one of my monthly bills took a major debit from my account, more than double what they usually do. I was in a panic. I reached out to that company and they told me, after many days of research, that this was no mistake. I had a new agreement and it more than doubled at my renewal time because of my car accident. I was baffled. I had never had a monthly bill be so much.

The thing is, I couldn’t stop thinking about this issue and trying to take matters into my own hands. From my waking moments, my day officially became hijacked by this. I spent my next several hours researching new company’s to go to that might be a cheaper rate. I tried to stop myself to pray but my mind was frazzled, I couldn’t think of a prayer and my mind went right back to what else I needed to do to fix this issue. I kept thinking this was my fault, I have to pay for this, there is no other way but to simply accept it. I tried to stop myself and get on my knees but now I was in a kneeling position of worry. Very close to the fetal position oddly enough. I couldn’t seem to focus my mind on what was true, noble, right… something the Lord had been bringing me back to over and over again when fear or anxiety arose. I was walking exactly opposite of His yoke being easy and burden being light (Matthew 11:28-11:30).

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

 Phillippians 4:8

In my distress, I finally decided “That’s it!!!” I’m going to search the scriptures till I find something. I landed in Isaiah 53 since it had been on my heart lately, I read verse 5, “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” I was determined to know the meaning of this in a deeper way since it stuck out to me. First thing I looked up was transgressions, the Hebrew word being pesa. The best meaning, I found is this: “rebellion, sin”. I slowly took in this truth. “But He was pierced for my transgressions – my times of rebellion, my sin.” I then looked up iniquity, in Hebrew this word is aon meaning: “guilt or punishment of iniquity”. As I read a little more, I stumbled upon this meaning, “fault.” Fault. One word is all it took to bring me to tears. I knew I could trust God in this mess, since He was crushed for things that are my fault. the Genesis Hebrew Chaldean Lexicon captured it this way, meaning “penalty of sin”, “crimes to be punished by the sword” and “the guilt of my sin.”

I sat and thought on this more how Jesus was crushed due to my sins. The things that were my fault and I chose to do them freely or by accident… He paid for. At no cost to me, He laid His life down. Jesus walked in such restraint…restraint that glorfied the Father and accomplished His will.

Jesus paid the highest price to conquer hell, death and the grave. He paid for it ALL.

Every sin, shame, guilt, regret you may have…there is a man who came to save us from ourselves.

Prayer:

Lord, I thank you for the cross. I thank you that in the depth of our sins, You are never too far off to wash us white as snow. You cover us in the blood of Jesus, wrap us in a robe of righteousness, place that crown upon our heads and tell us that You never saw us differently. You wildly love us God. Father I ask that you would make us worthy of this calling, and may you bring to fruition every desire for goodness and every deed prompted by faith. Lord, may your name be glorified in each one of us, according to the grace of God and the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Anxious in Heart.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

In 1 Peter, we come across this verse with Peter commanding us to humble ourselves, then right after this call to humility we are told to cast our cares because Christ cares for us. Now, I have to admit I have read through this many times, not thinking much of what is being said besides casting my cares on to God. Yet this year, after doing a bible study on 1 Peter, had me slowly digest what was being said. In this process, what stood out to me was that before we are told to cast our cares, we are called to humble ourselves under our one true Lord and Savior. Humility in God. I kept thinking as I wrote this, that when we humble ourselves, we nestle ourselves into that place under His wings we read of in Psalm 91:1-2:

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

It is in surrender, submission, humility and servanthood that we come under God’s might hand. Humility means in one sense “to fear God.” If you want a clearer definition, it can mean “to bring low.”  When we walk in this humble place of more of You and less of me, God will do exactly what He says, exalt us at the right time. There is nothing that doesn’t fall under the umbrella of “in God’s hands”, if it is in my life, it’s in His hands. This means past, present and future. Yet, what is remarkable is right after we are told to humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand, Peter tells us to cast our anxieties on God. We are commanded to first humble ourselves, then second, cast our cares.

The more I soaked in this truth, the more I realized I don’t think there could be any other order to this, because even though I am in a fallen state and so far from purity and holiness in all I do, I understand I need God.  It is in this humility, and recognition of this one true fact, that we are given the grace to let go of everything else that doesn’t belong in our hands. Let me say this another way, in us seeing God – who He is, rightly seated on the throne – it is only then that we can begin to loosen our grip on any and all worries.

What helps me understand this a bit more is digging deeper into the words. That word cast in Greek is epiripto, meaning “to throw upon”. The root of this word epiripto is actually two words, one being ripto, meaning “to fling” (as in “with a quick toss, thus differing from ballo (as in John 15:6), which denotes a deliberate hurl”). We are told to literally fling our cares upon God. We don’t have to place them gently, hoping to not bother Him. We don’t have to approach God as if He is a busy boss we don’t want to get in the way or even as a busy parent who doesn’t have the time for us. This is God who welcomes us, AT ALL TIMES, to come and fling our cares toward Him.

Peter, most likely drew on these words from Psalm 55:22:

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”

The word cast in Hebrew is salak, meaning to “throw, cast, throw away, cast off”. Now if we think of cast in this way and then come across this definition, “cast anything upon God, to commit to His care,” we walk into a broader understanding of casting our cares. We walk away from this knowing that we get to throw our worries toward Him as we commit our heart to His will and way, and we settle our heart into trusting a good Father and jealous Husband.

As we do this, cast our cares, we glorify Jesus. I don’t say that in a way of us trying to conjure up something in our own strength, but I mean it this way: The Father loves to glorify the Son – the Father wants to make His name famous. God will purify the church, He will heal the sick, raise the dead, shake the powers of principalities and authorities here on earth ALL in the name of Jesus. In regards to casting our cares, that might look like us “trying” to cast our cares not knowing how to do that well, yet resting in knowing that this is the finished work of the cross and the Father is glorifying Jesus even in our small attempts.

Us having it all together does not glorify God – we don’t need to know how to cast the “right” way. Rather it is in our weaknesses, that Jesus may be glorified.

May His glory come when we get all our “stuff” on Him and not carry our cares ourselves.   

Prayer:

Lord, I thank you for your heart for us, a broken people. I thank you Father that you made a way for us to get through this life, with joy, and that way was Jesus. I ask that you fill your people with all joy and peace in believing, that you abound in hope and this is by the power of the Holy Spirit. I ask that those struggling with anxiety, fear or worry, that they walk radically free from this today. Lord I ask that you baptize our minds and our thoughts with Your word and renew our minds to only think on what is noble, just, true, good, right or pure. If anyone is struggling with a mental disorder, I ask that you rewire their mind Jesus. Bring a new freedom and clarity to them that they have not known. I ask for an end to ruminating thoughts that are not from you. I ask for an end to stinking thinking or worrisome thoughts and may they be replaced by Your voice. Jesus whisper in our ears what is true. You heal Lord. You heal anxiety and I pray there be testimonies to arise that testify how you did that. May you do this in Jesus name, Lord. Glorify Him by the freedom of anxiety in your people! Amen.

Hope Does Not Disappoint.

“The disappointments of life are simply the hidden appointments of love.” C.A. Fox

I’ve thought about this quote for a few days now. It keeps coming back up nudging me to dig a little deeper. So, I started doing a word study on “disappoint” and it led me to Romans 5:5,
“Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

The word disappoint in Greek is kataischyno. It means “to dishonor. To disgrace. To shame. To make ashamed, or to be put to shame who suffers a repulse, or whom some hope has deceived.”

Right away I wanted to sub these words for the word disappoint in Romans 5:5.

So, I can say hope does not dishonor.
Hope does not disgrace.
And I can take this further to the One I put my hope in and say God does not dishonor.
God does not shame.
God does not disappoint.

Yet, if you have been disappointed, I ask that you hold on to this. White knuckle it if you have to because God is the only one, we can go to, put ALL our hope in and He will never fail us. We have a miracle working, mountain moving, maker of the stars, faithful kind of Father! One who died on a cross so we could know life and life abundantly. How could I not trust this one who loved me so radically that He voluntarily left heaven to come as a vulnerable babe, to die a sinners death, for my sake? I hope we never make light of who God truly is, especially in the midst of disappointment.

This isn’t to say we will never be disappointed; we are human and I’m pretty sure it comes as a part of this package deal – but, when I reach that point, I have to stop myself and ask, am I disappointed in God, or my own expectations?

Personally, I’ve been disappointed with my own expectations time and time again and have tried to put those on God, but He never promised
me my way. Yet He did promise me, in Jeremiah 29:11,“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.” and Hebrews 10:23, “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful,” to name a few.

Thinking more of my disappointments in life I came to this place of seeing each one of them with a new perspective.

My divorce was an appointment for love.
The greatest appointment of my life honestly. My greatest pain was my greatest
invitation to know God, to let the maker of my heart heal it with His own two
hands… then put that very heart back in me. I think of how it use to hurt to breath and somehow as I kept trying to grasp for air…
Catching air was an appointment for love.
Waking up was an appointment for love.
Healing was an appointment for love.

The car accident I was in at thirty-two, which almost took my sight, was an appointment for love.

Being single, yet again, was an appointment for love.

Going back to school was an appointment for love.

Losing my job was an appointment for love.

I can look back over my life and see appointment on top of appointment.

Anywhere you are today, and any place there is the slightest disappointment or gravest disappointment… it is a place for God to come in. To be present in.

Have faith and watch what He will do.

May the God of hope fill you with
all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may
abound in hope.
Romans 15:13

Let us not grow weary.

“Asking keep on asking. Seeking keep on seeking. Knocking keep on knocking…and don’t give up.” The worship pastor at a local church, David Brymer, wrote a song with just those lyrics that continues to play on repeat in my head from time and time again. So now, whenever I hear someone say “don’t give up” I hear this song start to play in my mind. It’s scripture with a tune.  

 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Matthew 7:7

Not giving up. It’s similar to not losing heart. Which is exactly what the Lord keeps nudging me with this week…Don’t lose heart. Don’t grow weary.

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

Galatians 6:9

The word for “grow weary” (or “be weary” in KJV), is ekkakeo. It means “to be utterly spiritless, to be wearied out, exhausted”. Yet if we look closer, that word ekkakeo is a compound of two words: ek, meaning “out of” or “away from” and kakos meaning “a bad nature, not as it ought to be, a mode of thinking, feeling, acting (wicked), troublesome”. This tells me that when Paul penned this, he was arming us with insight. Let us not grow weary, meaning let us not fall into a bad habit of thinking, feeling or acting. Keep going forward in your new man, as a slave to Christ, and do not fall back into destructive thinking.  We need to get away or get out of that habit or pattern of thinking.

(Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? Romans 6:16)

Do not lose heart.

You know, I’ve been talking to a few friends lately about that feeling of being “out of gas”. See, I recently lost my job, yet when it happened I heard the Lord that day. I was comforted before even knowing what I was walking into at work. I didn’t know the exact outcome that was coming but I knew God was already working regardless of it. I knew when I showed up that day that God had gone before me and He said specifically “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” I was full of faith!!! Expectant!!

Yet, as time has gone by and days have added up… I’ve started to wonder…and it makes me want to say “Did I really hear?” Which sounds like a thought that is conjured up from the pit of hell… yet, I have been tempted to ask that because my faith doesn’t FEEL as expectant or excited or exuberant as it did that day that I knew what the Lord had said…it’s like, I’ve gotten weary.  The whole thing feels similar to a marathon race and at the start of a race, in the beginning, you are pumped up, full of energy, excited, yet mile 10-15 hits and you might not feel the same physically in your body as you did at the start. You might be a little more tired, run down…

And that’s my problem. Getting weary, or being weary in my faith, when I know what God said.

As I came across 2 Samuel 23:10 last Sunday in church I felt a little energy come shake my bones because I knew in that moment, what I’m feeling, I’m not alone in. I’m not the only one who has grown tired.

“But Eleazar stood his ground and struck down the Philistines till his hand grew tired and froze to the sword. The LORD brought about a great victory that day. The troops returned to Eleazar, but only to strip the dead.”

2 Samuel 23:10

A few things stood out to me: Eleazor stood his ground. He stayed where he was led until his hand grew so weary that it froze to his sword. Then the Lord did what the Lord does when we are at the end of ourselves: He brought victory that day.

Maybe at the end of weariness is the end of me. A perfect place for God to come in.

I came across Jane Johnson, who is an amazing bible teacher, and saw she did the same study on this exact verse which helped me to dig a little deeper as I had a guide to reference my findings. I found that that the phrase “grew tired” is the word yaga in Hebrew. Yaga means “to be weary, be exhausted, to labour especially with effort and toil, and so as to become weary.” The concordance of this word led me to Isaiah 40:31, “but those who hope (wait) in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

I’ve kept Isaiah 40:31 close to my heart time and time again… and this time, with guidance, I was able to see something new. “Yet those who wait” is the word qava in Hebrew. This word is a verb meaning “to wait for (probably originally twist, stretch, then of tension of enduring and waiting).”

I heard Jane Johnson say it this way, “it’s binding two things together by twisting continually, over and over again… It’s wrapping one thing around another so tightly that it goes where the other does, and it describes the tension of enduring – a tension-tightness that comes when all you really want to do is let go. Quit fighting. Call it a loss.”

I wanted to reflect on this, so I took some space from writing and went to the gym. When I was there, I started reading the Final Quest by Rick Joyner again and came across this paragraph about THE ANCHOR, and it said, “Then because the ledge I was standing on was so narrow, and becoming so slippery, I drove the sword in the ground and tied myself to it while I shot at the enemy. The voice of the Lord then came to me saying, “You have used the wisdom that will enable you to keep climbing. Many have fallen because they do not use their sword properly to anchor themselves.”

And it clicked.

Waiting on God, in this season, might very well look like twisting ourselves around our Ephesians 6 sword, letting it be our anchor. It’s the waiting that looks like binding to the sword, which is His word.

“Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness arrayed, and with your feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Ephesians 6:13-17

The next part seems to drive this home. The word for “and froze” in Hebrew is dabaq. The GHCL definition says, “to cleave, to adhere, specially firmly, as if with glue – to be glued.” So, we see Eleazar’s hand grow weary and cling to his sword as if it were glued together as one. A dear friend said it to me like this, that when he reads this verse he has envisioned someone who has been working really hard and their hand starts to blister, and as they continue working, removing their hand from their tool, will peel off the skin. It’s a hand so weary in working, it became glued to its counterpart.

Something about that seems valuable to me, that as we come to places of growing tired as Believers, we have the opportunity to glue ourselves to the word of God. To wrap and twist ourselves so tightly around it that no matter where we are standing, we will not be shaken. That when weariness or discouragment comes, we will then know what it’s like to use our sword properly to anchor ourselves, because we will not be shaken.

Don’t lose heart.

Let’s pray:

Lord, thank you for this word. Thank you for your promises. You are the God over the flood and you reign forever. I ask that anyone who is reading this be able to live out clinging to Your word, by Your divine grace. Holy Spirit, I ask for an infilling of hope over the valley of dry bones before us. May this word start to rattle what’s before each one of us and may there be an increase of faith. Thank you, Lord, that you are the God who humbled Himself to know what it’s like to be human; may you have mercy on our humanity and help us walk as saints who are not of this world. Help us to be courageous and bold in our faith and may it be our anchor when circumstances are not in our favor. If anything is hindering love, or hindering our sight, or hearing, I pray it be removed in Jesus name. May we be a people who seek you wholehearted and may we see your Kingdom come and will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

Amen.